Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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