I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
