he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
