good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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