she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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