so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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