so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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