I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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