phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
