eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
