I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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