nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
