I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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