Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh god it's open bar.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
