Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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