I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
