those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
