Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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