i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
