I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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