I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
