But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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