My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
