Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
