I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This girl is more easily done than said...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
