I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
