I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
