I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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