Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
