The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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