apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
