I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
