i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
