Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
