There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
