apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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