I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
should my penis look like a turkey
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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