Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
