Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
