i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
