What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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