2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my being single is dangerous.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
