i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
