So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
