I feel great
I just peed on a car
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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