You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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