i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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