Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
