It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
