put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
