i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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