Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
