Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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